Proud

Today this prego is proud.   I finally took the time to do some gluten free baking.  I have definitely found a gluten free flour mix that is working for me instead of causing me to feel like throwing bake ware against the wall (I've never done that-but the product in the bake ware has flown).

Today I made gluten free banana chocolate chip muffins. I  have been craving muffins for a few weeks-craving in that crazy-pregnant- I gotta-have-it-and-it-better-taste-just-right-type of way (If you've ever been pregnant and gluten free you are probably nodding your head right now).  It didn't matter what flavor muffin-but it was the consistency of a regular ol' muffin that I wanted.  I didn't want a super heavy, dense muffin (which is what a lot of gluten free. I just wanted the same consistency that I am familiar with.

I think I could next time substitute walnuts for the chocolate chips.  The recipe calls for all things I had in the house except the vanilla yogurt. 
Check out the link...if you have anyone gluten free in your life----these are a treat. 
(I used Better Batter for my gf flour mix which has worked in every recipe we've tried it in!)

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=259705

This is just a close up of one muffin....doesn't it look delicious?

I made a pan of regular size muffins and a pan of minis.  They are so popable (aka, walk by-pop in the mouth. Walk by again-pop again. 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow marks my 1 year anniversary.
I know people celebrate this and count the days, weeks, months, years that they live this way.
I can clearly remember getting the voicemail and the e-mail at the same time from my GI doctor telling me that my biopsy and genetic test came back positive.  I was training a dietetic intern at work and found out the news a year ago last week.  I think (hope) I acted professionally.

I still have my ups and downs, that's for sure and I will not deny that I still throw myself a pity party.

I have so so so many people in my life who have been so supportive.  Multiple listening ears and a lot of people who validate how hard this is for me. So many loved ones (family friends coworkers) who have gone the extra mile for me-yes ME!  I don't feel I deserve it and sometimes I even feel ridiculous that people would make that extra effort so I can eat with them.  One of my closest reminds me that when she goes that extra mile for my gluten free diet "I only do it once in a while, not every day".  I hope it is worth it to them to see me eating, indulging and enjoying.  I hope everyone knows how grateful I am.  I appreciate every single effort.

I have only been truly "glutened" once.  I was told a pizza was gluten free, and later that night was called to tell me the pizza was not gluten free, but instead low carb. No wonder it tasted so good.  I found out that it affects me 1.5 days later.

Things that have changed:
No beer-I have become much more of a wine drinker
Andy and I do not eat out as often and when we travel our meals and snacking are much different.
I'm happy if a restaurant has 1 gluten free option, where as in the past I loved looking at a menu
I am not eating any fried foods
I have less gi distress
We now have separate cupboards, slots in the toaster and many different labeled items in the fridge.
When we cook, we dirty a lot more pans. 
Andy bakes for me and has been successful

Things that have not changed:
I am not less tired
My hair did not get thicker
I am still frustrated that Andy and I cannot spur of the moment stop to eat or share food
I am sad that Eli keeps asking why I am eating something different.  He is starting to hear and understand that there are many things that mom can't eat because she has a funny stomach.
I still crave gluten-full foods
I haven't made a good effort to bake gluten free
I still have the best husband in the world. Listens to me complain randomly (probably about 1 x/month) about what I miss, what I crave and why it's hard. He also attempts to bake gluten free and is successful. He is better than me at watching cross contamination. He (mostly) never eats foods in front of me that he knows I would be sad about.  He pushes me forward with motivational blurbs when I need it.  He doesn't complain when I make something gluten free and he always (always!) says "that's not that bad".

The foods that I miss are all foods I shouldn't eat that much of:
white cupcakes with frosting, kit-kat bars, white long john donut, soft/hot pretzel, ramen noodles or basic miss grass soup, french fries

Foods that I'm eating more of now:
rice, quinoa, humus, peanut butter, chex cereal, sweet potatoes, snickers

My favorites:
Pasta: Tinkyada
Bread: Udi's, Rudi's, Schar, Molly's bakery bread-french style
French fries: Stack'd Restuarant (also a great burger)
Chips and Salsa: Jose's
Macaroni and Cheese: Annie's frozen gf
Chinese: PF chang's or Japanese hibachi (if I bring my own soy sauce)
Out to eat: Quick: Chipotle
Treats: Molly's "twinkie" and Molly's Mexican Wedding Cookies
Alternative to white long john: white frosting on Trader Joe's frozen waffles (how healthy!)
Baking Mix: Better Batter

I still love my pickles, cucumbers, fruits/veggies, popcorn and buttered noodles.  Because I've found a good type of noodle-I can survive.  I still don't have my head wrapped around this idea that this is forever.  I have contemplated having a "cheat day" but Andy and I decided this would be a possibility in the future and not something that I would/should do when I'm pregnant or breast feeding.  I am hopeful that being gluten free has allowed this baby to grow nice and strong so we can take him/her home right from the hospital.  I also hope that I don't/didn't pass the gene on to him/her or Eli.  It is what it is. I live with it every day-in different ways than you, he, she or someone else might. 

But 1 year.
Go me.

Ruby Tuesday's

Me:
All you can eat salad bar/buffet- I took 2 trips-full plate of salad.  Great selection.
Loaded baked potato-attempted to share with Eli-he wasn't super interested
Water

Andy:
Ruby Minis: 2 small mini cheeseburger with fries
Added on salad bar-he also took 2 trips to salad bar
Water

Eli:
He ate one of Andy's minis and fries
He had some veggies from my salad
Milk

The bill was <$20. We both walked away FULL!  Like Rolly Polly full.
They had more gluten free choices on the menu, but I just felt like the salad. 
=
SUCCESS

Denial

I still don't really think I have "it".

It's going to take a long while before I reach the acceptance phase.

Twinkie

Today I went to a gluten free bakery called "Molly's Bakery".  It is tiny and sort of out in the middle of no where. It's attached to a small gluten free grocery store.
I bought a few fun treats.
But the highlight (I can say that now but haven't tried everything yet) was the "twinkie". 
It is to be known that I have not had a twinkie for probably 15 years (at least).  This is  not something I crave. BUT!  Earlier in the week I got a recommendation to try the "twinkie" which basically looks like a skinny, long donut that has a white cream filling.
I only bought one (they usually sell them in boxes of  4) because they are a fresh bakery item.  These are not something that I could buy a box of and then slowly devour over 3 weeks. 
I told her I was going to eat it on the way home in the car, if I could get away without my son seeing it.
She laughed and told me not to take a bite until we were 1 mile out.  She said so many buyers pull out, and right back into the parking lot to buy more because they can't resist after that first bite.
So again...not a huge twinkie fan...but this freshly baked, twinkie-like, yummy treat was perfect.  A true treat for pregnant ol' me.  Great consistency. Awesome flavor.  I'm sorta glad the bakery is far away so I can't indulge.  But man!! What a success.  Thanks "molly"!!!!

Rant

It drives me nuts....

I just want to make a simple recipe. We went to the pumpkin farm today and bought a bag of nice, yummy apples. My plan was to make an apple crisp to have with icecream tonight (for sweetest day?).  I can just imagine the smell it will create in our house.  And the warmth of eating it with some yummy vanilla icecream.

But looking up a gluten free recipe for apple crisp just bugged me so much.  Just because I have Celiac Disease doesn't mean that when I make a gluten free recipe I also have to be dairy, soy and egg free. No-I just would like it gluten free please. No I don't want it gluten free. I need it to be gluten free. Big difference. I really WANT a regular piece.  But I don't need it to be a healthier version, or other allergy free versions. I want real butter with real brown sugar etc for my 1 time a year piece of apple crisp.

I must have looked at 15 recipes (at least) and all of them either had some other sort of dairy/diet accommodation or it contained 3-4 ingredients that are expensive and I don't stock (yet) because I don't know how to use them.  Sure, I can spend a few random hours shopping for these ingredients and then making the recipe, but if it doesn't taste good to me, if it doesn't taste like apple crisp, if it's "ok" but NOT apple crisp in my heart, mind, soul-then I don't want to waste those hours. I will just get frustrated.  Those who know me, know I don't have hours to spend just playing around in the kitchen.  I WILL throw it across the room if it doesn't turn out.  (I did control myself when I tried making biscuits -from a mix none the less- and they didn't rise. They were literally cookies/hockey pucks).

I'm a dietitian. yes I like to be healthy. But when I"m going to have my 1 apple crisp for the year-yes I can control myself to 1 occasion-I want it to be good.  I don't want it to be an "ok" version. When I say it's an "ok version" that means it's edible.  It's a different dessert. It's NOT apple crisp. 

So...I need xanthem gum, arrowroot, brown rice flower, almond flour, gluten free oats, or a gluten free cake mix (5$ a box!).

Yes, I can make something like this.  but I know deep down it won't do it justice. Not to me anyways.  I want the REAL thing. 

(I wrote this in such a fury you would have laughed at how many spelling errors there were!)

10 hour day

At the beginning of the week I took 20 minutes and planned out our evening meals for the week.  I took the list to the grocery store and made sure I had all the ingredients I needed for each night.  This would prevent me from using an excuse to not follow my weekly "menu".  Monday and Tuesday went as planned.  Wednesday I worked a 10 hour day which meant I was out of the house by 6 am and didn't return until 5 pm.  I had been on my feet for the majority of the day.  I texted at least 2 people and said "screw that stir fry. I'm not going to stand there and cut everything up". What poor planning.  Note to self-don't plan a tedious meal on my 10 hour days.  But I came home and there was Andy  Superman peeling, washing, cutting, chopping veggies AND keeping E happy.   I did the rest. And I'm proud of it. Eli and Andy both scarf the stir fry, no matter what I put in it.  We always make enough for leftovers for the next day. 

The best part-it is very easy to make it gluten free.  As long as you have gluten free soy sauce and you don't use any glutened ingredients to thicken the sauce-you're home free.  Recently our secret ingredient is just a touch of peanut butter.  Who wants some?